All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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