I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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