he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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