I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
