I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
