I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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