Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
