Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The struggles of a small town man whore
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
