Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
