She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I have already put on my inside pants.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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