So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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