somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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