Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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