last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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