Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
