he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
