so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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