If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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