I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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