Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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