What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
