Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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