You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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