How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Holy shit dude........stairs
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
