Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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