The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Boobs are out for the taking
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
