My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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