did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
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