Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize