I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
