Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
