i love accidental penises.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
