Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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