All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
