8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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