like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
