he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
