she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
