this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
