i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
