Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Someone shattered a urinal.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
