I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
