Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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