Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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