I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
