On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
