IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Drunk is not a location!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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