Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
