Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
