On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
