How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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