the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
