I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
