I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I fill condoms, not promises.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
