Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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