Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
