dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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