Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Couch. On fire.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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