I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
