The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
