your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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