1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
