I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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