She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My vagina is officially offended.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
