He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize