Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
