id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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