His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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