i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
