She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
