They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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