this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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