also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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