Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We need to get me chipped asap
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
