the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
