So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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