Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
In America we eat man semen.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
