he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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