Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Also, beer. Big fan.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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