with your own penis?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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