I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
