do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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