Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I supernannyed him into submission
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
