but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
