I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I am one with the molecules
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
