I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
