I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize