my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
