He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
