I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
