She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
