I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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