you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I want her autograph on my taint
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
