regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Holy shit dude........stairs
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
